I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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