I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's like heaven, but drunker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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