Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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