i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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