hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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