Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize