I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
