Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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