next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
