I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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