why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We got so high we made milksteak
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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