And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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