I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
