You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
