we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
