why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
