Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
