We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
