After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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