I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
