is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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