What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize