There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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