I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
