what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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