so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
