ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
