can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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