you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
