My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
