Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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