i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
