your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He better not be in your backpack
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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