I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My cat gives me a boner
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
