We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its not stalking. its research.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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