you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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