dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
