That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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