Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
