I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
