she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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