as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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