your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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