And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
