I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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