im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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