I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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