3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
