Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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