GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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