My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
