she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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