Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
