but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
