he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
