the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
