I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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