I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
