This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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