i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
