Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
