I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
