I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize