My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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