If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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