If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
