YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
