I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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