the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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