I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
