Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They took my balls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
