Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drake has all the answers
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