At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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