the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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