We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
