I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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