The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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