I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
