My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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