Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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