just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
