my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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